✴️ #26 - How to be a leader - Part 1

Author

Ben Jang
December 01, 2024

I’ve been hard at work! But first, I want to go over something that’s been front-of-mind for me. How to be a good leader.

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✏️ Summary

(This is part 1 of a 3 part series on leadership. The goal is to help you walk away with actionable steps on being a better leader.)

Are you a leader?

As I've grown and taken on more responsibility in my job, I've had to refine my understanding of leadership. Growing up, I thought of leadership as a privilege - someone who gets to do whatever they want. But this definition is almost 100% the opposite of what good leaders actually do with their time.

Since "leadership" is a term that gets thrown about with not much meaning, I will condense down the rules I try to follow, and make it tactical, tangible, and actionable.

This mini-series will be split into three parts:

  1. The Baseline

  2. The Daily Process

  3. The Handoff

The parts are grouped into chronological order, condensing down my experiences and failures.

The Baseline.

I believe leadership is 'the ability to influence others'. But just like anything, there is good leadership and bad leadership. If you feel inspired by the mission of the company, you might put in extra effort to your work. But likewise, if you're in a toxic work environment and your boss yells at you, he can make you do more work.

To be a good leader, we need a baseline of trust. If my team do not trust me, my effectiveness as a leader suffers, and I need to resort to punishment (yelling, or threat of violence). But how do I build this trust?

  1. Execution

  2. Evidence

  3. Empathy

Execution is the ability to get things done. If you are able to deliver results that benefit the team, people are more likely to trust you.

Evidence is simply repetition. If you execute well multiple times, you build up evidence that you will be able to do the same in the future.

Empathy is the understanding of others. Your ability to influence others is directly tied to how well you understand what they want.

For a lot of capable people, execution and evidence come naturally. But empathy is something that feels too 'touchy-feely' to focus on. But all you need to do is switch positions. Think back to a frustrating conversation you had at work. Perhaps your boss told you to do something you didn't think was worthwhile, or your colleague did something which irritated you. I am willing to bet on the other side of that conversation was a leader who forgot to consider empathy.

Operationalize Empathy

Imagine you're in your company's Monday morning weekly catchup. There's a lot to do, and everyone is anxious to get back to work. John, the head of legal, is taking up everyone's time by going into far too much detail about his work day-to-day from last week. Suddenly, the CEO interrupts him - and tells him to stop as he's been talking for too long. John's face turns red, and he sinks a little lower in his chair. The rest of the meeting concludes very swiftly...

What should the CEO have done differently? How could he improved the outcome of this meeting?

Here are the steps I take for common situations that I face.

  1. Praise in public, criticize in private

  2. Ask for permission

  3. Compliment, criticize, provide alternative

1. Praise in public, criticize in private

No one likes to lose face in public. It doesn't matter how much someone wants to learn and grow, a public shaming or humiliation is rarely the best course of action. I find it much better to use any public conversation threads to point out specific things that the person is doing well. For example:

  • "Thanks John - great work following up with the rest of the team on their progress with the report."

  • "Great initiative organizing this checkup call!"

The goal is to use this as an opportunity to both build trust with the person, and show them + the rest of the team what you want to see more of. You can bet that John will make sure to keep following up with the team for progress updates.

If there are things that you think are incorrect or could be improved, it's almost always better to meet with the person 1-1 to discuss. This means the person doesn't have to worry about saving face, and will be less likely to resent you.

2. Ask for permission

No one likes being told what to do. Even if you know exactly what the other person is doing wrong, and how to correct it, you should always ask for permission to coach them on that specific skill. Phrases such as:

  • Can I make a suggestion?

  • Do I have your permission to be frank with you?

Are very powerful permission-based tools for opening up dialogue about any points of improvement.

3. Compliment, criticize, provide alternative

What should you say after you get permission? It's no good simply telling someone they were wrong. I follow the CCP (I know, I know) framework.

First, compliment something they did right in that specific scenario.

Next, offer a specific piece of feedback that covers what they did, and what it resulted in.

Finally, offer a concrete alternative that covers actionable next steps for when they are in the same situation.

Putting all of these points together, the conversation with John could have gone like this.

Suddenly, the CEO interrupts him - "Hey John, impressive work on the detailed accounting! Could I make a request?" John nods.

"I'm just aware of everyone's time, and I know Emily has a meeting in 10 - would it be alright if I ask you for a higher level overview of the rest of your work, and to send the details over Slack if needed?"

John is not completely thrilled, but he understands the CEO's point. He nods, summarizes the points, and the meeting carries on as normal.

Later, the CEO grabs some time with John.

"John, I thought it was great that you have such clear notes on all your activities from the week. Would it be alright if I make another suggestion?"

"Of course" John replies.

"Great! During the weekly catchups, I think it would be most helpful for the team if we go over the projects we're working on first, then give them and updates on results from the previous week. This way, everyone gets to understand what projects are still being worked on right now. Does that make sense?"

John nods, and the rest of the 1-1 proceeds...

In the first scenario, John is deflated. In the second, he saves face, understands how to improve, and walks away feeling better about himself.

Next week, we will focus on the daily operations we need to help people be effective. (For anyone that is interested in learning more, I would highly recommend "The Motive" by Patrick Lencioni. It goes into much more detail on what being a good CEO means.)

🔗 Progress Update

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I can’t wait to share what Robin can do now - it’s so exciting to see the vision come to life!

That’s all for now!

Enjoy the newsletter? Please forward to a pal. It only takes 18 seconds. Making this one took 2.5 hours.

Ben | X